WHAT BRISTLES MY BEARD - EPISODE 3


I’m all for disagreements, even ones that lead to highly escalating and animated emotions, as I typically find that the most honest moment in a discussion is when a person is the most emotionally vulnerable. The ability to interact via social platforms has always been a breeding ground for ideas, views, and beliefs, which can also lead to reactionary behavior by acrimoniously ignorant individuals. These miscreants of society are ceremoniously referred to as keyboard warriors.



A keyboard warrior can come in many different shapes and sizes, as their anonymity allows them to exhibit the strength and courage of that of a seasoned gladiator. In reality though, they are typically weak and lack conviction, usually consumed by the fear of their own nonexistent self-esteem. In an isolated realm such as the internet though, their strength is usually manifested in closed minded thoughts, conveyed using brute force logic, and reinforced with a barrage of insults or condescending tones.


An unnecessary rage and level of disdain is the calling card of these skid marks on the underwear of society. An unwillingness or inability to control or rectify issues in their own personal lives usually contributes to their Herculean aggressiveness, and leads them to unwillingness to rest until everyone within their sight lines are affected by their Napoleonic complex. Their strength is intensified when, just like the Power Rangers any of us grew up watching, they join forces and turn into the Megazord warriors.


It must be quite an uninteresting life when you have to create a separate identity to fulfill your insecurities. Luckily for many of these mouth breathers, and sadly for us, they aren’t alone.


Growing up in a small town you came to expect many things as typical behavior. Saying hello to strangers, catching the daily gossip at the local greasy spoon, and people putting shopping carts back in the cart coral. I can live without salutations and gossip, but nothing makes my blood boil quite like the idle shopping cart rested up against my bumper, 5 feet from its proper resting place.


My initial response is a concoction of disgust, hostility, and the desire to verbally slaughter the inconsiderate nature of a self-absorbed blockhead. I mean honestly, how physically daunting is it to walk a few feet and properly dispose of a resource provided for your convenience? As I sit there, desperately buffing the scuff from my bumper, inaudibly cursing, it dawns on me that this is the work of a sad, desperate individual.


No dignified person leaves a cart to roam a parking lot aimlessly. It is my belief that this handiwork is carried over into their personal lives. The type of person that abandons their responsibilities, leaving them for someone else to fix. Missing deadlines, making excuses, never thinking twice about their bullish acts. When not cutting corners in life, they are the ones stepping on others to get a leg up. It’s a pretty ignorant and undesirable way to conduct yourself if you ask me.


Please, if you’re the type of cart culprit I’m referencing, don’t discard my upset as quickly as you just did that cart.



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